Deal with breakup, but how? Did you just break up with someone, and now your feelings are all over the place, and you’re not sure what to do?
Well, you’re in the right place, because I’m going to take you through how to deal with a breakup today.
I actually got the idea for this post based on a comment we had in our private Facebook support group.
The woman who left the comment was going through our program to get her ex back, and then she decided she didn’t want him back anymore, and she was better off without him.
Her journey from really wanting her ex back to being over him was fascinating to me, and I wanted to learn more about how to give advice to people who are going through a breakup and are not exactly sure what they want next.
So let me start with explaining a few phases you go through after a breakup. If you get hold of the initial phases it is easy for you to get back with your life.
The 7 stages you go through after a breakup
These are not the stages set in stone. They are just the current conceptualization of the post-break of grief. It can’t tell you how you’re going to respond. It’s not necessarily linear, too. People go in and out of phases, and sometimes in circles. However, it’s a good start to think about how you feel and why you might feel it.
Stage 1: Shock
The break up has just happened. You know it’s happened, but you can’t really connect with it. It still doesn’t feel real.
Stage 2: Denial
Unable to deal with the enormity of the situation that our brain is going through with the coping response of denial, “No, it didn’t happen, they’re going to come back.”
Stage 3: Anger (some people put their anger in 4/5th place because it can come at any time)
The fear that stalked you through the initial stages has now subsided enough for anger to come out. Well, that’s healthy. Suddenly, you realize that you’re the subject. It’s an OUTRAGE that they’ve finished it. The best part of this phase is that you can use this indignation to get out of your house and start rebuilding your independence.
Stage 4: Bargaining
The tolerability of feelings and separation means that you suddenly remember the relationship through pink-tinted glasses. In this phase, people are trying to negotiate their way back to what they had, either with their ex or with a higher power (for example, promising a higher power that they would do better if they could have the ex back). This is usually the stage when people decide to give it another one. Assuming this time is going to be different.
Stage 5: Depression
The sadness really begins (this does not mean clinical depression). Appetite changes, tears come, you want to get out of the world. This dark hole may feel like an abyss, but it’s a good sign that you’re on your home stretch.
Stage 6: Initial acceptance
This may feel more like surrender at first. Finally, to get into the terms of the breakup. Over time this is going to change. While the pain may still be present, you can see the relationship more clearly, accepting the role of each person in the relationship, the good and the bad.
Stage 7: Hope
The Best Stage! You see a picture of your ex, and you don’t feel that much anymore. You’re going out with a friend, and you realize you’re enjoying yourself (not just tolerating it like you were). You can feel it, and you’re on the move.
Strategies to cope up with a breakup.
Wherever you are in the process, the first thing you need to anticipate is that a time of grief after the breakup exists. There is a fear of loss, there is a sense of dread in the future. There is a process of returning to your true self.
Whether you initiated the breakup or were on the receiving side, It’s a must to treat yourself well during the post breakup era. While it is true that time heals all emotional injuries, you can speed up your progress by monitoring your wellbeing and health.
With all these considerations in mind, we have complemented seven simple and expertly accepted strategies to help you cope with stress breakups.
1. Talk to someone or write it down.
Although it is a natural impulse to suppress unpleasant feelings, suppressing emotions will prevent the passage of them. So many emotions such as anger, grief, feelings of rejection, and when unsure about the future are involved, it is important to face them.
In particular, try to make yourself know what you know without judgments in the early stages of a breakup. Just write your thoughts in a journal, have a good cry, or speak to your psychiatrist who can help you process and explain why this partnership has not succeeded – and why without your former partner, you are better off.
The main thing is that you have to sense it. If you feel like crying, do cry.
Else it will make you look scared or nervous when you push your feelings down.
2. Please look after your body.
It may seem like a good idea to go on a “breakup diet.” We often see our finest looks like a way of avenging ex, but it can easily become a way of punishing you and reinforcing feelings of rejection. Not to mention that you are encouraged to develop a healthy food relationship. Eat whole foods with high fibres, protein, and nutrients instead of limited calories to boost mood and energy. The physiological pressure can be overcome if you eat a healthy diet with plenty of fresh fruit, vegetables, and stress-free superfood.
It is also important to avoid unconscious eating and avoid transforming food into a coping mechanism. Don’t worry about complacency, but don’t eat too much fast food, as foods high in fat, sugar, and salt will actually help increase the stress hormone cortisol levels.
3. Get active, but do not overdo it.
Cardiac exercises can cause your endorphins to be pumped, and, for a good reason, they can lower your stress levels, improve cognitive function, boost your mood, and ensure healthy distractions from your concerns. Their function is often defined as a means of breakdown. Even if you want to do the last thing, it can be good to get your breakup thoughts out of the head and concentrate your consciousness on your body.
After a breakup, we appear to want to sit down and cuddle and sob, chat and feel bad for ourselves to our girlfriends. So it is very important to get out to travel because it’s almost the opposite of what we like, which stops and makes us sad.
But exercise can become a compulsive behavior such as over-eating or over-dieting, so you need to be cautious. Get healthy, whether you like it not. And it would be better if you are joined by friends let it be yoga or morning jogs.
4. Recollect all the great stuff in your life.
The loss is so easy to see when the good start to dominate in your life.
Distressful breakdowns may obscure your thoughts so that the immediate feeling of pain and loss can not be overcome. You will find it difficult to remember everything you like if you concentrate so much on the negative. Practicing gratitude can help you improve your moods and make your headspace even more positive. Studies have shown you can improve your health and strengthen your life views by listing things that you are grateful for.
We recommend that you keep a gratitude journal that helps you look at the positive. At first, you may have to think about the things you are grateful for, and then the wrong thing will no longer feel all-consuming as you repeat the process. And you could be grateful for not having to deal with your ex’s bad habits!
5. Do things you love.
After a bad breakup, the pre-split things you loved are hard to get excited — but the only way to begin to have fun again is to force yourself out and do it anyway. Give yourself a treat, whether it’s a cup of coffee with a friend or a massage. Self-love and self-care are essential in the healing process, and doing things to make you smile can help you heal.
Try to go to the films to see a new comedy, or invite your friends to see some comedy movies or series. This has shown to boost mood and increase your general health.
Laughter assists us in facilitating recovery, physically as well as mentally.
6. Try the Obsession Diet.
Obsession represents a natural response to a relationship’s end — but only for so long. Most of us had to deal with a friend who, for months after the breakup couldn’t mention anything but her boyfriend, and that wasn’t pretty. You don’t want to hit where your BFFs need to plan a trip with your buddies to get you out and out of the couch. To push yourself past the “constant agonizing” stage, Meyers recommends that you put yourself on a “obsessing diet” (not to be confused with the above-mentioned and unwise breakup diet). For five minutes per hour, she explains, you can obsess, write, and indulge yourself in all that you want.
But when the timer is off — enough, You’ve got to wait for the next hour.
Reduce the time to four minutes the next day, then three minutes, and so on.
It gives you permission. If you try to break the habit of thinking about your partner, giving yourself five minutes a day helps you realize that you can control your thinking. It’s a way to channel the urge and feel a sense of control as well.
7. Don’t talk too much about your ex.
Sure, it feels good to talk to your ex about your beasts and to hear that you’ve been better than them from the start, but don’t rely on it. Listening to your friends bring down someone who made you feel that you feel that shitty is justified in the grand karmic scheme of things, but your health and happiness need not depend on someone else’s pain and suffering.
8. Don’t immediately suggest to “stay friends” with your ex.
If they do come up with an idea of staying friends, tell them that you need to think about it. This is an impulse because you don’t want to seem to care too much about the breakup. Well, because you’re so cold. You’re so cold that your heart doesn’t beat. And, you’re dead, man. But truthfully, during this stilted, awkward breakup period, it’s hard to tell whether you’re going to be friends. Generally speaking, one person wants to be friends, and the other wants to be more. Gotta work that shit out before it can be a healthy friendship. If it can be, you don’t admit defeat by not being friends with them.
9. Never Drunk text your ex.
If you’re going to be drunk, get your friend to take your phone or throw it in a volcano. Oh, the number of times one of my friend was drunk — a cryptic text was left for ex at 2 a.m. And he assumed that if he was writing back, he still had feelings for me. Drunk-texting an ex is a two-step, one-step, one-step slide down the rabbit hole. Answering “nothing” to your liquor-fueled “sup” doesn’t mean you’re going to have a spring wedding.
10. Spend a lot of time outside.
It might sound cliché, but the fresh air really clears your head. So, you know, seeing the sun every once in a while. Take at least two hours a day just to leave the Cave of Forgotten Dreams and interact with The Outside.
11. Know that it’s all right to rely on your friends.
Breakups can make even the strongest people feel worthless or not good enough. Hang out of there with people who appreciate you and remind you of your good person. It’s important to have a strong support network because friends can show you that you still matter and that you still belong. When your self-esteem is at an all-time low, these are the people who can help to empower you while you’re working on defining your self-esteem.
12. Take your next date slow.
If you’re going to start dating someone else, take it really slow. Dude, you just ended the relationship, and your heart blew over and exploded like a tanker in a Jean-Claude Van Damme movie. If you take it step-by-step and enjoy it as a casual thing for a while, it’ll give you some time to evaluate whether you’re actually ready to be with someone again, or if you’re just ready to have hot sex with them in the elevator once in a while.
13. Set up a bedtime routine.
If you’re going through a breakup, learning to be proud of the little things can really keep you going. And honestly, who screams “I’ve got my shit together” more than getting enough sleep every night? We recommends that you go to bed at the same time and set your alarm at the same time every day. Avoid looking at the screens (TV, computer, cell phone) half an hour before bedtime. Not only does the light from the screens keep you awake, but how many times has an unexpected timeline drama or an innocent Instagram scroll accidentally spiraled into a two-hour deep-dive of their lives?
15. Don’t overthink on getting back.
Don’t make a scheme to get them back, a scheme to get you back. Get some solid book or join a sports pickup game or go on a trip with a girlfriend. Paint your bathroom — I don’t care about it. Just do something about yourself.
16. Don’t post the details on Facebook.
Yeah, never post anything ill on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, or maybe Tumblr. Live your life! Airing your social media grievances is not good for anyone, and it will be embarrassing later. Who will read it, anyway? The girl you met during Welcome Week?
17. Block your ex from your Instagram / Snapchat.
If there’s too much temptation to see if they’ve paid attention to your stories, just block them. This way, when you start to get out there and share your day-to-day activities again, you’ll know that there’s no part of you doing “acting about it” in hopes that your ex will see it.
18. Stop accusing yourself
It takes two to break up — it wasn’t just you, it was you two as a couple. It’s almost narcissistic to blame yourself so much! If you try to look at the relationship from the outside, it might be easier for you to see how both of you contributed to the breakup.
19. Get yourselves some flowers.
Buy yourself a large bouquet of pink roses. Put it in a vase, water it, and wait for it to wilt. Check-in with your feelings when it’s time to throw them out. Guess what, huh? By the time these roses die, you’re going to feel better. Then, keep buying roses everyday.
20. Visit the room of rage.
It’s a legal thing. “Get out all your anger and break objects to your heart’s content,” says a family therapist.
What’s more, when you date someone for a while, you incorporate them into your sense of identity. After a breakup, you can feel confused about who you are. A literal piece of your identity has been torn away from you. So don’t be surprised if you feel that way. Recovering will involve reconnecting and rebuilding your personal identity.
Knowing how to stop hurting after a breakup is a key way to get past it.
So it’s your time to embark on your freedom!
It is a very liberating experience to come to terms with the end of a relationship. It means that you’re no longer fighting to keep things alive or struggling to understand what happened.
This newly discovered sense of freedom will come with a surge of positive emotions – potentially even higher levels of energy – and will allow you to make plans for what you’re going to do next.
You may find the following tips useful when entering this new stage:
Look for ways to find a long-term sense of personal happiness. Consider trying things that would enrich you as a person like a new hobby, or helping others. Learning to maintain good self-esteem is an important part of building a positive future.
Be brave, man. Believe me, you can do what you want to do, and you can’t limit your hopes and aspirations.
Think positively about it. Be ready to catch yourself when negative thoughts come to your head. Think about what you ‘could try’ to do more than what you ‘can’t do, no matter how small.
Try to write down a list of ten positive things about yourself and keep it with you. When there’s a negative thought, get the list out, and remind yourself of everything you’ve got to do for you.
So, now that you’ve read this article get off the couch. Get a notebook and make a list of all the reasons you broke up with your guy/girl. Keep it close to you. Block your guy/girl on your phone and on every social media platform you’re connecting to. Get out there and get some exercise. Do something you’ve always wanted to do. Get back in touch with old friends. Fill your calendar with things that will make you happy and disconnect from the guy you had to let go of.
I know it doesn’t seem possible, but life doesn’t end with a breakup. Rather, it’s starting again. It’s up to you to take advantage of this new beginning and make the most of your life.
You can do that! It’s going to be worth it! I promise you.
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