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My boyfriend dumped me – things sometimes don’t go along how you planned it.

He dumped me – What do I do now? You are in love with someone but they just don’t love you anymore, there are certain times where it feels like things are going great and you’re happy then one day, he suddenly dumps you, out of the blue, unexpected and you are left there, all alone, wondering what went wrong.

The feeling of a breakup is like cutting the heart open, sometimes the pain is too much that you physically feel it and you just want all the pain to end, to vanish in thin air. I hope that’s possible and you could just instantly delete all those moments and memories together. 

When facing a breakup, you might feel alone and confused about how things happened, why it came to this and at what part did it start crashing down? Calm your mind and heart and try to check what really went wrong. Try to identify and analyze how things have been over the past months or weeks before boyfriend dumped you. Was there a certain factor in the relationship that was really big that made him make this grave decision? Was there a mistake made that has taken a toll on the relationship? Worse, did he fall out of love before dumped you? 

The initial action you do when you’re in this current state is to review everything and face everything maturely since this will also be a life lesson for you. Whatever things you have learned while being with him, can be a lesson you can use in your future relationships. Take time to review and check.

Try to talk to him in a mature way.

Only do this when things have settled and it’s been a couple of days since the breakup. Trying to talk with him in a mature way will help you accept the situation faster since it’s going to open your eyes and understand what he’s feeling too. Communication is a two-way street and both of you should keep that in mind while you’re talking about things maturely. You should avoid an approach like “how could you dumped me” or “my boyfriend dumped me” because that is not a mature way.

Listen to what he has to say, did he fall out of love and get tired? Are there certain things in his life he wants to do without you? Did you both grow together yet we’re not connecting anymore? Or even worst, did he just uses you for sex? Maybe he just likes having you around? Or he dates you because he needed you for something?

As painful as these sound, you have to accept the truth, try to swallow the bitter pain you feel and accept since there is nothing else you can do when he doesn’t want you. There are hard things in life that are thrown at us but it does not mean we can’t overcome these. Think of it was a molding station for you, a lesson where you were able to learn and later on apply the things you have learned in the future. 

Will he come back after he dumped me? 

I don’t know and you don’t know either. It is best not to think about this and not to cling on to false hope. If he does come back, good for you but does not allow yourself to wake up every single day thinking if he’s going to text you today. Do not spend the whole day wondering if he’s coming back for you or does not spend the whole night crying yourself to sleep convincing it will be okay cause he’ll be back for you. No, do not do this to yourself and help your heart heal itself. Do not cling on false hope or believe that he will come back for you because this leads to expectations and when it’s not met, it can break you. Be careful about hope, it’s a double-edged sword.

Who said love is easy?

Getting over the fact that dumped you is terribly hard to do and you won’t go through different stages: 

Trying to get all the answers, not just a conclusion that he dumped me

Answering all the what, when, where, why and how questions are impossible in the current state you’re in. You can’t think clearly and your mind is trying to solve all the puzzles that were laid out on the table and you’re just desperately trying to answer them all.

Denying.

You can’t accept the fact that he dumped you. Not getting over the idea that this actually happened and you still think and hope that it is all just a dream and everything will be okay when you wake up. 

Compromising and Adjusting.

You are so desperate to have him back that you are willing to bargain. You are willingly compromising and adjusting so much of your interests, beliefs or even personality just to have him back.

Relapsing.

Here you are, falling for the trap again because you can’t handle the pain anymore and it just feels so excruciating for you. The only solution you can think of is going back to him and begging for another chance. I’m sorry to say this but when you actually go back to him, things won’t be the same anymore and the gap is already there. And of course, you can face the situation he dumped me – again!

Becoming angry.

Since you can’t get him back, you start to get mad like a little kid who was not able to buy a toy she likes. You get mad at everything, you get mad at him, at the relationship and to yourself. 

Acceptance. 

The 5th stage is not an easy process and it really does take time but once you get through it, you slowly feel the acceptance that things like these really do happen in life and there is nothing you can do but learn from it. So if you end with “he dumped me”, maybe that is not the worst thing happened.

Free Spirited.

That heavyweight has finally been lifted and breathing feels nice now. Everything is happy and you are ready to take on the world with a new perspective all geared up with the new lessons you’ve learned. 

You deserve all the love the world has to offer. Do not let any breakup bring you down. And also, learn to protect yourself about toxic relationships – read here.

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