If you’ve been struggling to find meaningful love and feel like you’re constantly encountering people who don’t appreciate you, it’s easy to feel like your expectations are too high. You may have even been told by well-meaning friends to lower them. But is that the solution? Is it really the answer to settling for less, or is it simply a way of justifying bad behavior in relationships? Let’s break this down.
The Role of Expectations in Dating
Dating is a complex and personal journey that requires you to have a clear idea of what you need in a partner. It’s not just about having standards-it’s about knowing your worth and being able to recognize when someone isn’t meeting those basic requirements. If your expectations are too low, it could lead you to settle for someone who is not a good match. Conversely, if your standards are too high, you might miss out on a meaningful connection because you’re waiting for perfection.
Why It’s Crucial to Have Standards
Setting expectations in a relationship is not only about knowing what you want but also understanding what you deserve. When you have a clear vision of how you should be treated, it becomes easier to identify someone who will respect you. Without these standards, you risk becoming emotionally involved with someone who is disrespectful or unkind-and by the time you realize it, you may be too invested to walk away easily. This is why having expectations in place is so important. It can help you avoid the heartbreak of being with someone who doesn’t value you.
Lowering Expectations: Not the Answer
The simple answer to whether you should lower your expectations is no, you shouldn’t. But there’s more to it than that. Expectations need to be grounded in reality. It’s not about demanding perfection, but about looking for someone who genuinely cares about you and shares similar values. If you expect to be treated like royalty without giving the same in return, you’ll quickly find yourself dissatisfied. A relationship is a two-way street, and balancing your expectations is essential to maintaining a healthy dynamic.
Healthy Expectations to Hold On To
1. Expect Respect at All Times
Respect is a non-negotiable factor in any relationship. You deserve to be with someone who values your feelings and your boundaries. If your partner doesn’t respect you, they shouldn’t be in your life, no matter how charming or attractive they are. A lack of respect will always lead to problems, so don’t settle for less than that.
2. They Should Value Your Time
Time is precious. Between work, personal commitments, and other responsibilities, time spent together should be treated with the utmost respect. If your partner is always distracted, constantly on their phone, or frequently bails on plans, it’s a sign that they may not value your time together. Someone who truly cares about you will make time for you and prioritize your relationship.
3. A Real Interest in Your Passions
Your interests and passions should be celebrated, not ignored. While your partner doesn’t need to share all your hobbies, they should at least show an interest in them and support your pursuit of what makes you happy. This kind of mutual support is crucial for a fulfilling relationship and ensures that both partners continue to grow individually and as a couple.
4. Appreciation for Your Efforts
In any relationship, you will do things to show your partner that you care-whether it’s through small acts of kindness, gifts, or simply offering emotional support. These actions should be appreciated. If you constantly give without receiving acknowledgment, you might begin to feel undervalued, and that’s not healthy for either party. Appreciation is key to keeping the bond strong and healthy.
5. A Genuine Desire to Know About Your Life
Your partner should be curious about your life-the things you care about, the people who are important to you, and what you’re passionate about. When they make an effort to understand what makes you tick, it fosters a deeper emotional connection. You deserve to be with someone who is genuinely interested in what’s going on in your world.
6. Space for Personal Time
No matter how much you care about someone, you both need your own space. A healthy relationship allows for each person to have time to themselves to recharge, pursue personal interests, and maintain their individuality. If your partner can’t respect your need for alone time, it could lead to resentment down the line.
7. Concern for Your Well-being
It’s vital to be with someone who cares about your physical and mental health. However, it’s important that this concern doesn’t cross the line into controlling behavior. A partner should encourage healthy habits without dictating your every move. They should support your growth as a person, not try to change you for their own benefit.
8. Embrace Your Imperfections
No one is perfect. A partner who loves you should accept your flaws and appreciate the qualities that make you unique. They should understand that your imperfections are part of who you are and should love you despite them-not in spite of them.
9. Willingness to Put in Effort
Relationships require work, and both partners must be willing to put in the effort, even when it’s not easy. Whether it’s doing things they may not enjoy or compromising on certain issues, your partner should show a willingness to do what’s necessary to make the relationship work. This effort is a key indicator that they care about your happiness and the relationship’s success.
10. Prioritizing Your Happiness
At the core of any successful relationship is the mutual desire to make each other happy. Your partner should actively work to make you feel loved, supported, and valued. If they aren’t invested in your happiness, the relationship will struggle to thrive.
Unrealistic Expectations to Avoid
While high standards are important, it’s equally essential to avoid setting unrealistic expectations that will only lead to disappointment. Here are some examples of what you should not expect from a relationship:
1. Expecting Constant Servitude
A healthy relationship is not about someone waiting on you hand and foot. You shouldn’t expect your partner to be at your beck and call at all times. A relationship is about mutual effort and support, not one-sided service.
2. Demanding Someone Give Up Their Life for You
Your partner should be able to maintain their own life, friendships, and interests. If they give up everything just to be with you, it can create unhealthy dependency and lead to long-term issues. Healthy relationships are built on balance, not sacrifice of individual identities.
3. Expecting Royal Treatment Without Reciprocity
It’s great to treat each other well, but expecting to be treated like royalty without putting in the same effort is unfair. Relationships are about give and take, and both partners should make the effort to care for and appreciate each other equally.
4. Wanting to Be the Center of Their World
While it’s wonderful to feel valued, expecting your partner to make you the sole focus of their life is unrealistic. They have their own commitments, friends, and passions. It’s important to be part of their world, but not the entire focus of it.
5. Trying to Control Their Free Time
Your partner needs personal time to do their own thing. You cannot expect to have all of their free time exclusively for yourself. Trying to monopolize their time can create resentment and ultimately harm the relationship.
In the search for love, lowering your expectations is not the solution. Instead, focus on ensuring that your expectations are grounded in reality. By setting realistic standards and looking for someone who respects them, you can find a fulfilling relationship that brings out the best in both partners.