It's time for a change – those words people usually try to avoid. And that is wrong.
When you are in a relationship with someone, the last thing you have on your mind is the fact that it's time for a change. Same as everything in life, relationships also evolve. And that path can go in two possible directions: good or bad.
So you have to understand that moment when your relationship because of some reason starts to be toxic, and when is the moment when you must say it's time for a change. Ok, we can not generalize, because this is not the case for every relationship, but those who reach this level must end. Immediately, for your own good.
So, what is a toxic relationship at all and when it's time for a change?
Let's compare it with a simple example. If you swap water with acid and you give it to your flower, what will be the result? Relations, in a simplified way, suffer the same. So, if you suddenly start to feel that your partner constantly destroys your self-esteem, the living environment starts to make you feel depressive, and all that you are doing at this moment start to seems pointless – you cross that border into the toxic contaminated area and it's time for a change.
Also, a person you live with can turn you to be toxic. Is it because of your lack of tolerance, understanding, it doesn't matter. One way or another, when a relationship starts to be toxic, it's time for a change.
And you wonder, can I fix it?
Relationships start very healthily. It makes you feel good. But some relations in one moment simply start to be toxic. If you love someone, of course, you will have in your mind it's worth the fight for it. But if a relationship is toxic, the result will always be the same – failure.
In other words, if your relationship starts to be toxic, no matter how hard you try, no matter what you change in the end it will ruin you, and you have to understand that only and the best solution for you is to understand that it's time for a change.
How to help yourself to understand the signs of a toxic relationship?
Why am I telling you all this? When you find yourself in a toxic relationship, it's crucial that you recognize that you are in a toxic relationship. More you stay more you will suffer and damage yourself. And that will be trouble for your future relations what you won't be able to avoid unless you react on time.
Here are some crucial signs of a toxic relationship which will help you to determine when it's time for a change:
You don't feel good. Always. It's time for a change.
When you stuck in a routine that you lay in bed feeling bad and you wake up feeling the same, you know that you reach the first and most important symptom of a toxic relationship. And of course, you will try to find some excuse. But stop lying to yourself. Just stop. You have to understand that leaving any relationship is never easy, and it's normal to be like that. But staying in a toxic relationship is just stupid. It's dangerous. It will destroy your strength, self-esteem, confidence down to zero. And once that happens, and it will happen if you stay too long, you are done. Recovery is very long, and never 100% successful.
It's pointless to share your needs. So, it's time for a change
You have needs. Me too. We all have needs. And we all have needs in our relationships. No matter what they are, it's important that the person we are with understands them and respects them. When you respect someone you will care for that person's needs. And needs can be silly things and can be serious things. No matter what they really are, it's important how they are treated by the person who lives with you. If you don't like sports channels all the time, you will find a compromise to watch something else. If your partner likes some kind of food, you will find the way how to make it. But if your needs end in a fight, and that starts to happen often – that's it. It's toxic.
All investments in a relationship come from you (or from your partner)
When one person trying hard, and another person does not care or does not return the same way, do I need to say a word more? Don't dream that you can change things, don't dream that you can make things better. Just don't. It will keep destroying you. As long as you can understand that effort is not a one-way street, you are still able to leave a toxic relationship understanding that it's time for a change.
When no does not means no it's time for a change
No matter we talk about business, lovers, friends, partners in every vocabulary no means no. Two people must find a way to make compromise respecting the needs and wants of both sides. But sometimes it can happen that you will be good enough only if you say yes. If you erase no from your usage. And you know what? That makes you become a modern slave. Sexual, worker, maid, no matter what, a slave is a slave. And it's not funny at all. It's toxic. Run.
Everything is a lie.
Lying is a lead magnet for destruction. If lying starts to be part of your relationship, don't be stupid and expect some change. Lying leads to many problems, and will slowly but for sure dissolve trust and one it does, there is no way back. The toxicity of lies is slow but very effective. It will slowly but for sure destroy confidence and trust. Same as cancer. But lucky, if you find cancer on time, you can take it out and live your life again. But if you find that lies live in your relationship there is no cure for it. It's time for a change.
There are some more symptoms of toxic relationships. Like no privacy, controlling, and some even worse such as abuse which I don't want even to mention. Not because I think they are not important, it's because I think that you don't need my help to understand how toxic they are and you don't need my help with understanding them.
So, after this article, you think that you might be in a toxic relationship. What you should do?
The first step is crucial. Don't think about how your relationship starts. Think and try to understand where it will lead and how it may ends. How much damage more you can get. And is that what you really want?
You are unique. If you respect someone, you deserve the same. If you try hard, it's normal to expect the same. If you are gentle and carry, you should be treated the same. If you are not, it's time for a change.
Don't judge yourself. There are so many reasons why people can end up in a toxic relationship. And usually, we can not predict or control our relationship from that direction. But what you can do is to understand and recognize it on time, to prevent more damage for yourself. Because, you know, love does not come with happiness always. That is what we wish, but it's not what we got. Not always.
Everyone deserves to be loved, happy and enjoy life and relationship. If you don't feel like that, it's time for a change