Emotionally Distant Man Wants You Back, so What To Do?
Experts say that healthy relationships are built by emotionally intelligent individuals.
Being comfortable with expressing your feelings and opening yourself up to the other person is, therefore, vital toward achieving a healthy and secure partnership.
On the other hand, it can be quite a challenge if you or your other half are simply unequipped to attain this delicate balance between personal independence and intimacy in your relationship.
For such a partnership to grow in a healthy manner, both participating individuals should be willing to risk vulnerability. It is one way of affirming that you trust each other enough to expose yourselves to hurt or rejection, and being able to do so, is a mark of emotional strength and not weakness of character.
Emotionally Distant Man Wants You Back, so What To Do?
So, what should you do if your emotionally distant man wants you back after you decide to cool things off?
First of all, it’s always great to find someone who share your life goals, interests, or passions, and better, if he even complements your temperament.
You’d think you’re such a perfect combination, except that he instantly turns cold when it comes to showing or sharing his feelings toward you.
In this case, it may be hard to completely sever ties with him when your compatibility ratio is high or when your relationship brings a lot of positivity to your lives.
There isn’t really a black or white answer to this as there are a lot of factors to consider how you should deal with this kind relationship.
Your decision may depend on an emotionally distant man wants you back is and how willing he is to work on building intimacy in order to sustain a healthy relationship.
If you discern real potential in this partnership and are willing to take a chance in saving it, here are some suggestions on how to do it:
Know what you really want in this relationship. Be clear about your expectations with regard to your partner and your partnership roles.
Ask yourself where you are at this time. Are you at the time in your life when you’re ready to commit to a serious relationship? Or you still struggling with emotionally distant man wants you back situation?
If your answer is yes, find out why you are willing to invest your time and effort in a man who is not emotionally available and therefore unable to contribute to the kind of relationship you are looking for.
It might be good to communicate these thoughts and feelings with your partner.
Let him know that you enjoy being with him and you love how you uplift each other in many aspects, but you are at a time and place where openness and emotional intimacy are priorities in a relationship.
If he takes these positively and expresses willingness to improve on this aspect of himself, then it is a good sign.
If he reacts with the same cold feet, it’s going to be tough for both of you because you are not on the same emotional level, which is what you desire at this point in your life.
Also, know that even if he is willing to change, this will still require a lot of investment in terms of time and energy on your part.
Are you willing to go the distance, or will it simply be best for both of you to end the relationship and find someone else with whom you can connect on the same level?
Yes, ending the relationship is definitely an option if all else fails.
Sometimes, it is best to move forward, accept that this is not the kind of relationship for you, and that it is okay to end it.
Though you may enjoy yourself with him, it’s never going to be as fulfilling as it would be with someone who can provide the kind of intimacy you’re looking for in a serious relationship.
Besides, achieving real intimacy in a long-term relationship is not possible without emotional openness, and there’s no need to lower your standards just because you fear losing him.
If you think this, you might then need to build a healthy relationship and commitment first with yourself before you even embark on a romantic journey with another.
Again, know what you want first before expecting anything from your other half.
If you want an honest-to-goodness commitment, know that you deserve it and do not need to settle, especially if your partner does not share this same perspective and is not willing to improve himself.
This is another perspective that I will be talking about later on in this article. For now, let us talk about your journey should you decide to help your man with his resolve to develop his emotional intelligence.
Give your partner time to improve himself in this aspect.
One thing that helps people overcome their innate tendencies is their willingness to admit them and put in effort to improve themselves. Since your partner has expressed this awareness of himself and eagerness to work on it, then all he needs is time. Lots of it, I’m afraid.
Remember, it may seem natural for you or for other men to be comfortable about being emotionally vulnerable, as well as, listening to others talk about their feelings, but it isn’t so for your partner.
This is totally alien territory to him and so do not begrudge him if he is slow in picking up. Change is a long and grueling process.
Even if your partner isn’t the emotionally intelligent type, it does not mean he is totally incapable of achieving this level of openness. While there is a will, there is much to hope for.
Emotionally distant man wants you back – provide him ample support.
Since you’re the one with the supposed higher emotional intelligence, your partner will depend on you for patience, understanding, and lots of support.
Avoid talking down on him or making him feel like an experiment whenever you both feel frustrated. This might overthrow whatever improvement you both have accomplished.
One of the ways to show him how to open up is to model the same behavior that you expect of him – in a natural way.
For instance, you can pinpoint a feeling that you just experienced and talk about it with him. When he responds, seize this chance to explore his feelings and strive to validate them.
Another technique that you can adopt is mindful rephrasing. If he says, “I had a particularly tough day,” this is your cue to respond with, “It sure appears like you had a difficult day. Tell me what happened.”
By repeating what he just said, you make him feel understood and supported. This also helps create a positive and safer environment for him to break down his emotional barriers. I warned you this was hard work.
Know when to give up or how to keep on.
This can be looped with the first suggestion which is to set clear expectations about the relationship from the very start.
If you’re making progress with your loved one, then good for you. If after you’ve invested time and energy, you’re still not achieving anything, maybe it’s time to throw in the towel. It is perfectly okay to admit that this is not the right relationship for you.
What if your partner is unwilling to change?
If, on the contrary, your man is wary about emotional involvement but still keeps coming back to you, here’s what you should realize. Most likely, he is just out to use you.
Given that he is good-looking, witty, smart, or established, realize that these characteristics cannot make up for his failure to be emotionally intimate with you, which is valuable to you at this time.
In fact, the more of these attributes your partner possess, the more pain you are going to feel when your relationship ends. Why put yourself up for it?
Also, it can be quite tricky or even narcissistic to expect change from your partner even without his expressed willingness.
There are women who delude themselves into thinking that they are capable of bringing healing to their partners’ emotional wounds.
I have always maintained that if there is anyone who can fix a psychological or emotional wound, it would the victim himself or herself.
A person’s awareness and willingness to change has to come from within, and not from another.
So, if you’re one of those who believe that your partner is some sort of project to be completed, then it’s time for some personal introspection.
Perhaps, you’re the one that needs healing after all or a complete change of mindset.
Before you expect anything such as emotional maturity from your partner, you should likewise mirror those expectations.
Just like in any successful venture, you must first know what you want, how to achieve it, and are willing to work hard for it.
If an emotionally satisfying relationship is what you want, be that kind of person who is capable of providing this same satisfaction to another and expecting nothing less as well from his or her partner.
If you’re involved with someone who cannot match this same emotional maturity, then you’ve hit an obstacle on the path to achieve your goal, which is an emotionally satisfying relationship. The sooner you realize this, the sooner you’ll be able to find that which you are searching.
After several reunions with emotionally distant man wants you back, you must ask yourself why he keeps coming back. Maybe it’s because he knows that you will accept him every time.
Don’t you think this is an act of desperation?
Take a look at how you regard yourself. Don’t you think you deserve someone who can give you what you want? Think about these likely situations if you find yourself repeatedly in such an unhealthy relationship:
- Your partner is stingy about his support and understanding when you are in a crisis or emotional problem.
- You won’t be able to rely on him for comfort and care.
- When you are conversing about touchy subjects, it does not progress, and you’re left wanting and unsatisfied.
You will see that these situations are very familiar when you’re with an emotionally distant man. You know that something is amiss but may be unable to admit it to yourself.
If you are willing to go through with this despite his failure to connect with you emotionally and that you’re also fine with it then you can decide to keep him. Perhaps, you get your emotional needs satisfied somewhere like your friends or family.
If, however, you believe that this person is just not what you are looking for to build a long-term and healthy relationship, be brave and don’t settle.
Your needs are valid, and you deserve to be treated the way you treat others in a relationship.
Move forward and open yourself up to someone who is likewise as brave enough to offer you what you need.
So let’s hope that this emotionally distant man wants you back subject is solved.