Breakups can be excruciating, whether you’re the one who ended the relationship or not. Finding a way to help your ex move on is often seen as an essential step, though it’s not always an easy task. Having been on both sides of the equation, I can share personal insights on how to navigate this difficult process and what actions to avoid if you genuinely want your ex to heal and find peace.
While helping your ex may feel like the right thing to do, it’s crucial to understand that there are many ways you could unknowingly hinder their progress. Here are some of the common mistakes you might make while trying to be supportive, as well as the steps you should take to truly help them move on.
What to Avoid When Helping Your Ex Move On
Sometimes, your well-intentioned actions may be more harmful than helpful. Recognizing the things you should avoid can make a significant difference in allowing both of you to heal properly.
1. Don’t Be Their Emotional Crutch
It’s tempting to comfort your ex, especially if you were the one to end things. However, offering excessive comfort can create a dependency, making it harder for them to detach emotionally. A brief moment of shared sadness might feel necessary, but it’s important to give them the space to process the breakup on their own – otherwise, you risk prolonging the pain for both of you.
2. Don’t Create False Hope
One of the most damaging things you can do is give your ex hope that you might get back together in the future. Even if you truly care for them, it’s essential to be firm and clear that your relationship is over. The more you offer glimmers of potential reconciliation, the harder it will be for them to move on.
3. Don’t Keep Providing Emotional Support
In the aftermath of a breakup, it may feel like your duty to continue providing emotional support to your ex. But staying involved in their emotional healing process can slow both of you down. By offering ongoing reassurance and care, you’re unintentionally prolonging the separation process. It’s vital to create some distance to help both parties fully detach.
4. Don’t Reach Out Unnecessarily
After the breakup, it’s important to resist the urge to contact your ex, whether it’s to check in or share casual conversation. This can create confusion and delay their healing. It’s okay to eventually re-establish contact after both of you have had the necessary time apart, but only once the emotions have settled. During the early stages of a breakup, any communication can feel like a setback.
5. Don’t Respond to Their Messages
It might feel cruel to ignore your ex’s attempts to reach out, but this is often the best way to help them move on. Every response you give provides them with hope, which only makes it harder for both of you to fully heal. It may feel harsh, but blocking communication for a period of time is a necessary step in the moving-on process.
How to Actually Help Your Ex Move On
Now that you know what to avoid, let’s focus on the things you can do to genuinely help your ex get over you and find peace.
1. Offer Closure
One of the most important ways to help your ex move on is by offering clear closure. Without understanding the reasons behind the breakup, your ex will continue to ruminate over what went wrong. Be honest and firm about your decision, providing them with the clarity they need to start healing.
2. Stand Your Ground
While it’s tough, it’s crucial to remain firm in your decision to end the relationship. Don’t let your ex manipulate you into feeling guilty or reconsidering. Emotional pleas can be powerful, but they’re often a result of the pain of separation. Remind yourself why the relationship ended and stay resolute in your choice to move on.
3. Give Them the Space They Need
Though it may feel like you should be there for your ex, one of the most important steps in helping them move on is giving them space. Allow them time to process their emotions without your presence complicating the situation. Even if they resist, this space is crucial for their emotional recovery.
4. Be Mature in Your Actions
After a breakup, it can be tempting to show off your new life or flaunt your newfound freedom. But this often backfires. Instead of helping your ex move on, it can generate feelings of jealousy and anger, which keep them stuck in the past. Maturity means respecting the boundaries of the breakup and giving both of you the time you need to heal.
5. Focus on Your Own Healing
It’s easy to get caught up in helping your ex, but don’t forget to focus on your own healing process. If you’re still deeply concerned about their emotional well-being, it may prevent you from moving on as well. Taking care of yourself is just as important as helping them move forward. Your own emotional recovery will also help you both move on more smoothly.
6. Don’t Rub Your Happiness in Their Face
It’s natural to feel good about moving on and finding happiness again, but flaunting your joy on social media can make it harder for your ex to let go. Be mindful of how your actions and posts may affect them. If they’re still struggling, it’s best to hold back from sharing too much about your personal life for a while.
7. Stay Away from Social Media
Both of you should take a break from social media after the breakup. Constantly checking up on your ex’s profiles or posting about your life can create unnecessary emotional turmoil. This is an important time to disconnect and focus on your healing without the distraction of online interactions.
8. Enlist the Help of Your Friends
If you have mutual friends, ask them to help facilitate the process. They can assist in keeping your ex distracted and avoid bringing up the breakup repeatedly. Their support can be invaluable in helping both of you move forward more quickly.
9. Don’t Feel Guilty About the Breakup
It’s natural to feel some guilt after ending a relationship, especially if your ex is upset. But remember, if you’ve made the right decision for both of you, then feeling guilty will only hinder the healing process. It’s important for your ex to learn to move on and grow from the experience.
10. Cut Off Communication if Necessary
Sometimes, the best way to help your ex move on is to cut off all communication. This might feel harsh, but it’s often the most effective way to help both of you heal. If you continue to stay in contact or even check up on them, it can make it harder for them to completely detach. Sometimes, taking this difficult step is the key to moving forward.
Ultimately, it’s important to remember that helping your ex move on isn’t your responsibility. However, by following these steps, you can make the process smoother for both of you, allowing for healing and closure on both sides.