When someone you care about acts as if your effort, time and love are automatic, it can slowly drain the joy from the relationship. You may find yourself wondering how the connection shifted from excitement and appreciation to a routine where you feel like he is constantly taking you for granted. If that sounds familiar, it might be time to change the dynamic so he finally understands how much you actually bring to his life.

Seeing the reality of his behavior

Many men do not wake up and decide to be cruel. Often they simply slide into comfort – they enjoy the meals, support, emotional labor and small daily favors without pausing to notice how much work goes into all of it. In other cases, the pattern is more selfish. A partner may believe, consciously or not, that he is entitled to your care and attention, and that you will continue to give it no matter how little he invests. Either way, the result is the same: you feel invisible and keep experiencing him taking you for granted.

Before you do anything else, remind yourself that your feelings are valid. Feeling hurt or unappreciated is not “being dramatic”; it is your mind telling you something in the relationship is out of balance. Recognizing that imbalance is the first step toward shifting the situation so he either steps up or steps out of the privileged position he has had in your life.

How changing your actions makes him pay attention

You cannot force another person to change, but you can absolutely change what you choose to accept. When you stop participating in the old routine, the comfortable pattern that allowed him to keep taking you for granted starts to crack. He is then faced with a new reality – one where your effort is no longer guaranteed and your presence is no longer something he can overlook.

The following ideas show you how to protect your self-respect and make it clear that the way he has been treating you cannot continue. Some of these steps are gentle nudges; others are firm lines in the sand. Use what feels right for you and your situation.

What to do when he has been coasting on your effort

1. Stop automatically doing everything for him. If you have become the person who cooks, cleans, organizes, reminds, and fixes every little problem while he relaxes, pause and step back. Let the dirty laundry sit instead of magically reappearing clean in his drawer. If you usually bring him coffee or make his breakfast while he scrolls on his phone, let him prepare his own. When those tasks stop happening, the contrast between his comfort and your effort will be impossible to miss, especially if he has been taking you for granted for a long time.

   

2. Say out loud that you feel unappreciated. Silence keeps the pattern alive. Calmly tell him that you feel hurt when your effort is dismissed or ignored, and that you need acknowledgment and reciprocity. You do not need a dramatic scene – a straightforward “I feel like you are taking me for granted and it makes me feel small” can be more powerful than an angry outburst. His reaction to this honest statement will tell you a lot about whether he is willing to grow or would rather stay comfortable.

3. Decide what you are willing to keep doing. Some things you do benefit you as well. You might cook because you enjoy it or clean because a tidy space makes you feel calm. Separate those tasks from the purely one-sided favors that only exist because he has been taking you for granted. Create an internal rulebook: what you are happy to continue, what you will only do when he contributes, and what you will stop completely. When certain benefits disappear, he will start to notice the difference.

4. Invest energy back into yourself. When the relationship is lopsided, all your time goes into holding everything together. Start reclaiming some of that energy. Sign up for a class, revive a hobby, read more, move your body, pamper yourself, or change up your style in a way that makes you feel good. Not only does this rebuild your confidence, it also sends a quiet message: your world does not revolve around someone who is taking you for granted.

   

5. Protect your dignity above all. You never need to beg someone to appreciate you. Explain how you feel, adjust your behavior, and then allow his response to show you who he is. If he mocks your feelings, minimizes the problem, or keeps taking you for granted after you have clearly expressed your needs, the most dignified move may be to pull back or eventually walk away. A partner who wants a future with you will treat your hurt as important, not as an irritation.

6. Show him that you can stand on your own. One powerful shift is to quietly demonstrate that your life would not fall apart without him. Make decisions without constantly checking with him. Spend time alone happily. Handle tasks you used to rely on him for. When he sees that you have your own strength and your own life, it becomes harder for him to keep taking you for granted – because it becomes clear that you are choosing to be with him, not clinging to him.

7. Revive your friendships and social life. It is easy to slowly abandon your social world when you are wrapped up in a relationship. Start saying yes to invitations again. Plan dinners, movie nights, game nights or weekend outings with people who actually appreciate you. When he watches you laughing, dressing up and making plans that do not center around him, it can jolt him into realizing he has been taking you for granted while other people find your company exciting and valuable.

8. Be a little less available and explain why. You do not need to create elaborate games, but you also do not need to answer every message instantly or jump whenever he snaps his fingers. Take your time replying if you are busy. Politely decline last-minute plans if he has been assuming you will always drop everything for him. When he notices the shift and asks what changed, you can calmly say that you have felt he was taking you for granted and you are no longer willing to behave as if that is acceptable.

9. Have a serious, calm conversation. Set aside a time to talk without distractions. Let him know you want to discuss something important and ask him to listen without interrupting until you are finished. Then explain how repeated situations have made you feel: the times he forgot to say thank you, the promises he broke, the moments when you felt he was taking you for granted while you were trying to support him. When you present this calmly, it is harder for him to deflect or dismiss your experience.

10. Use “I feel” instead of accusations. Phrases like “You never help” or “You always ignore me” can trigger defensiveness. Instead, describe your emotions and the impact on you: “I feel unseen when I cook and clean and it is treated like nothing,” or “I feel alone when you break plans and expect me to understand.” You are still addressing the fact that he is taking you for granted, but in a way that focuses on your inner world. If he truly cares, he will not want you to live with that kind of pain.

11. Stand firm when he tries to charm his way out. Some partners are skilled at saying the right things in the moment: promises to do better, sudden affection, dramatic declarations. Pay more attention to what he does over time than what he says during one intense talk. If he has been taking you for granted, it is easy for him to slip back into the same pattern once the tension fades. Make it clear that this is not a single argument but an ongoing issue that needs consistent change.

12. Spell out what you need from him. It would be wonderful if he could read your mind, but many people simply cannot. If you want more participation in chores, spell it out: “I need you to handle the trash, dishes and vacuuming without being asked.” If you want more appreciation, say: “I need you to acknowledge the things I do with a thank you and with actions in return.” You are not babying him – you are giving him a clear chance to stop taking you for granted and step up as a real partner.

13. Give the change time, but not forever. Habits do not transform overnight. If he genuinely tries, he may slip up here and there. Watch for overall progress instead of perfection. Does he catch himself and apologize? Does he take initiative more often? Or does he behave well for a short period and then slide straight back into taking you for granted as soon as he feels safe again? You are allowed to decide that a few small improvements are not enough if the core problem remains.

14. Be ready to let him go if nothing changes. Sometimes the hardest truth is that he likes the relationship exactly as it is – with you giving and him receiving. If, after honest conversations and concrete chances to improve, he continues taking you for granted, that is information. It shows you where you really stand in his world. Leaving in that situation is not failure; it is refusing to live a life where your kindness and love are treated as disposable.

What you should not do when he keeps minimizing your effort

Knowing what to avoid is just as important as knowing what to do. Some reactions might feel satisfying in the moment but end up reinforcing the pattern of him taking you for granted or damaging your own peace of mind.

1. Do not give him the silent treatment instead of solving the issue. Pulling away and ignoring him might make him chase you briefly, but it rarely fixes the deeper problem. He may miss the attention and then slip right back into taking you for granted once you start talking again. It is healthier to address the real issue than to rely on emotional distance as your only strategy.

2. Do not apologize for his behavior. You are not responsible for the fact that he has been taking you for granted. If you enjoy giving and caring, that is a beautiful trait, not a flaw. Do not let him twist the situation so you end up saying sorry for “nagging” or “expecting too much” when you are simply asking for basic respect.

3. Do not blame yourself for his lack of appreciation. When someone you love is distant or dismissive, it is easy to assume there must be something wrong with you. You might tell yourself that if you were prettier, calmer, funnier or more perfect, he would stop taking you for granted. That thinking only erodes your self-esteem. Talk to a trusted friend or someone who knows your heart – they can help you see clearly that his choices belong to him.

4. Do not let anger explode into yelling matches. Your frustration is understandable, but shouting usually leads to defensiveness rather than understanding. He may focus on the volume of your voice instead of the message, or dismiss you as overreacting. The goal is not to win a screaming contest; it is to make it impossible for him to ignore the ways he has been taking you for granted. Calm, firm boundaries are far more effective than insults or threats.

5. Do not work even harder to earn his appreciation. When you already feel unacknowledged, it can be tempting to think that doing more will finally make him realize your worth. In reality, extra effort often just raises his expectations and makes the imbalance worse. The more you give while he is taking you for granted, the easier it is for him to believe this is simply how things are supposed to be.

6. Do not pretend the problem will disappear if you ignore it. Hoping that things will magically improve keeps you stuck. The longer you stay in a pattern of him taking you for granted, the harder it becomes to imagine another possibility. Facing the issue directly – even if it leads to uncomfortable conversations or tough decisions – is an act of loyalty to yourself.

Choosing yourself if he refuses to grow

In the end, this situation usually leads to one of two outcomes. Either he realizes that he has been taking you for granted and does the work to change his behavior, or he shows you through repeated actions that he has no real intention of treating you differently. You cannot control which outcome happens, but you can control how you respond.

If he listens, adjusts, and consistently shows appreciation through both words and actions, the relationship may become stronger and more equal than ever. If he dismisses your feelings or only gives you temporary changes before sliding back into taking you for granted, you have every right to step away. Your time, love and care are precious. They should go to someone who recognizes that, not to someone who treats them as a never-ending resource.

Turning the focus back on yourself – setting boundaries, refusing to over-function, and insisting on being valued – is not about punishing him. It is about refusing to live a life where you are constantly taking care of someone who keeps taking you for granted. Whether he chooses to regret his behavior and rise to the occasion, or you decide to build a happier life without him, you will be moving toward a version of your future where your needs, feelings and effort truly matter.